Let’s begin..It’s been months and months since I’ve been tossing this blog around in my head, in my dreams, my discussions, my writings on yellow stickies, my journal and whatever my pen touches to paper.
I wanted to share not only my living with advanced breast cancer but the fact that if you aren’t careful the cancer will be taking over your life instead of you “LIVING” as you should “FULLY” because it’s so easy to give into the depression, fatigue, and distancing yourself from being who you were before Cancer invited itself into your life and that of your loved ones. Actually, that has been my issue the last few months, I had been on this HIGH of surviving and taking care of my daughter’s and others I love and care for but seemingly lost myself yet again. It is also a habit to be comfortable in what you “knew” and not what you now “know”, things change, people change, both family and friends. You adjust or at least try too. It isn’t easy, it can be lonesome as you tend to “isolate” yourself and I can’t explain whether it’s for my own protection or someone on the outside. I just know that I have got to shake it off and get back to being who I know I am “inside”, I will never quite be who I was before but I believe I have grown and changed in a way that without cancer intruding I wouldn’t be who I am Today. I recognize all that I am, what makes me special, beautiful and enough. I still love writing poetry and short stories, I sing and want to do more of it getting back to what I used to do in my past when I was fearless, that girl is still inside and is awakening to the changes and has a story to tell. The woman that I am still believes in spite of my multiple surgeries due to my Cancer I am still lovable, sexy and beautiful and my scars only show the strength and courage of what I endured to still be here, the kick ass attitude in my fight and smile that at times masks my tears. I depend on my faith to keep me strong, I pray about everything and for everyone and recognize how blessed I truly am. I see many pass on fighting this disease with all their might only to be taken away in the arms of the angels and have wondered at times “how did I get so lucky?” why them and not me? It goes back to what the gospel song states “Please Be Patient With Me…God Is Not Through With Me Yet.” That being said, I need to recognize the gift I’ve been given and use my time, my life to do better, be better and offer some hope, laughter and extend love in whatever capacity it is needed. You’d be surprised how a song, an article, a story, a poem or psalm can uplift someone, as Oprah says an “Aha” moment. That’s actually what I like to say is “ALL HEAVENS ANGELS”…A.ha….Sending a message you can adhere to and use in a way it benefits another or you and yours. Be Kind…Always…Be Kind, it means so much.
hotlikefirelivingwithadvancedbreastcancer 